You're a little late, I'm already torn
by paow
Summary: Harry lay on the bed, shivering, covered with nothing but the bruises he had left on him. It had been paiful, he rememberd. The harsh words ripped through his memory like a blade - they had hurt even more than the blows he had recieved and the feeling of being ripped apart." Louis is a little late, Harry is already torn. How do you handle the aftermath of rape? ONE DIRECTION
1. Chapter 1

_Chapter 1 - includes mentions of rape and sexual content_

Harry lay on the bed, shivering, covered with nothing but the bruises he had left on him. It had been paiful, he rememberd. The harsh words ripped through his memory like a blade - they had hurt even more than the blows he had recieved and the feeling of being ripped apart. Harry tried to forget his face, how he had smiled when he locked his arms over his head in a strong grip. How he had liked it when Harry had begged him to stop, even screamed in pain. His disgusting smell still lingered in the room, in him. Harry felt so dirty. He had been right; Harry was nothing but a filthy little whore.

He pressed his head to the nearest pillow and broke down in quiet sobs, draining the silky fabric with blood and tears. He desprately wanted to get up. He felt unsafe, what if he came back for more? But his body would't move, it had been broken beyond repair and every inch of him ached.

Ashamed. Used. Dirty. These feelings would't go away, making Harry feel sick. Suddenly he could't take it anymore, so he bend his head over to the side of the bed and threw up. It made him feel even worse, now his head was throbbing and the horrible stench filled the entire room. If he didn't want to be sick again, he had to get out of this room, he though to himself. Slowly, he pulled himself up and got on his feet. He winced as he halted to the bathroom, holding himself steady by grabbing the funiture along his way.

The light from the bedroom filled the bathroom dimly. As he made his way to the shower, he got a glipse of himself in the mirror. He closed his eyes, so just for a moment it would seems like this never happened. He didn't want to see the state he was in, the mess that was him. But he could't ignore it, this just didn't go away. It would haunt him for the rest of his life, he knew. So he opened his eyes and faced the truth. A shocked cry escaped his lips. The tears streamed down his pale cheeks again, and he didn't even care anymore. He had been used so badly.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry couldn't be seen like this, he would frighten everybody. He needed to clean himself up so that no one would suspect anything. This had to be a secret; Harry would rather die than have anyone find out what happened.

Luckily it wasn't their hotel room. He honestly didn't knew where he was, he had followed the man up here after sharing that joint backstage after their concert. God, he was so stupid. So gullible. Everything was his own fault. First he needed a shower badly. He stepped in the shower, letting the warm water run for a long time while scrubbing every inch of his body. He scrubbed until he bleed, but it made him feel better. The open sores started to stung, and he couldn't handle the pain that spread throughout his whole body. He sat down and curled himself to a ball. He had never felt so vulnerable in his seventeen year old life. He must have stayed in this positied for long time, because the water became cold and hit him like ice.

Grabbing a clean hotel towel, he quickly dryed himself and went looking for his clothes. Harry found them in a bunch by the bed, and dressed hastily. Taking a last look at the room as he went to the door, he shivered as the memory of the night haunted him once again. He couldn't stay here any minute longer. Harry left the room, and was happy the corridor was empty. Not wanting to meet anyone, he took the stairs two steps at a time ignoring his body protesting him to take it easy. Looking down the whole time, he went by the receptionist without any encounters and was finally outside where he was able to catch his breath.

He took the nearest taxi, and gave the driver the adress to the hotel their were staying at. Now he only wanted one person, so he picked up his phone,and dialed the number he knew by heart.

"Hey" he didn't realise how uneasy his voice sounded. He could hear the loud music in the background; he must still be at the club, he though.

"Haz, this party is CRAZY, u should have come with us!" Louis screamed in the phone over-exited and clearly intoxicated.

"yeah, sounds like you have a blast". Louis heard something was wrong with his best friend. " U okey mate?" What was he supposed to say? He was not okey. He was anything but okey. There was a silent pause where none of them said anything.

" No.. I need you Louis" Harry's voice had cracked, and he was near crying again.

"I-I need you, please". He felt like he had said to much. "Yeah okey, We'll be at our hotel as soon as I find the other boys-" Harry cut him off " No, just you". "Sure Haz, I'm on my way. Has something happened?" He could tell Louis was starting to get worried. "Just please come, ok?" was his last words. "You're freaking me out Haz.. but I'll be there in 20 min". They hung up. The drive seemed to last forever, and Harry was starting to feel nervous. What was he supposed to tell Louis? He felt so ashamed.


	3. Chapter 3

Louis findles with his keys to the hotel room, and he has trouble keeping his hands from shaking. He knew he had too much too drink, now finally feeling the nausa building up inside him from all the vodka and "sex on the beach's". The ear-splitting clubmusic with its "ompa ompa" is still ringing in his ears, and he can't keep his brain from constantly repeating one stupid line from that Katy Perry song. He wished he atleast knew the whole song. And the room could stop spinning as well.

"dem stupid keyz, wont iven fit in the door", he mummered angrily to himself and decided to wake up Harry by slamming on the door with all his force. "Haaaaz! Harry iz me, open up babe!"

It took quite a long time for someone to finally open the door. But when Harry's curly head appeared, Louis found himself smiling stupidly at his best friend and almost jumped on Harry giving him a great bear hug because he was just THAT glad to see him.

"You're drunk" Harry said looking straight at Louis and trying to avoid the hug by twisting his body away, pushing his arms with all that was left of his strenght. "And 2 hours late" his voice steadier, now finally free from Louis grip.

"Haaz don be upset! Dem boys wanta take bodyshots of mi, and I jus codntl say noo to tat! Sorry'm late, shud a called" Louis speech was incoherent, but Harry still understood every word that slipped out of his drunken lips. And words once again hit him like a hard slap across his face. Louis didn't care about Harry at all. Even after telling him he needed him, fucking needed him more than anything. Nobody cared about him, why would they? He had layed curled up in his and Louis bed for two hours, hiding under the blankets not making a sound, trying hard not to fall asleep. Because then the nightmares would haunt him.

"Doesn't matter, I'm going to bed" Harry made himself look a different direction, as he was feeling the familiar tears starting to burn in the corner of his eyes. He was geniuenly surprised he had more tears left to cry.

"Babee u kay?" Louis could feel that something was wrong this time, something was just off. Even under the influence of alcohol and god knows what, he could sense the tension between the two. But he didn't understand then.

Harry still looked away and without answering Louis he slowly made his way back to the bed and slumped onto it. "Harry don egnore mi babe.." Louis followed with a less steady walk and dropped himself onto the bed next to Harry.

He had forgotten why I called; Harry abruptly put two pieces together.

"W-well, I wanted to talk to you Lou, but not when you're in this state" he managed to whisper as they lay so close together, their nosetips almost touched.

"Fiine, we can do talkin tomorroh" Louis put his arm on Harry's hips and leant it to whisper him in the ear "u kno wut I like beta tan talkin babe.." Harry froze. No, was the only word he could make himself think of.

"No Louis, I'm not in the mood.." couldn't he see how bloodshot his eyes were, how horribly he just needed Louis to hug him and tell him everything would be okay? Now Louis had moved closer and kissed Harry sloppily on his neck and down his collarbone.

"Ur always in tha mood!" Louis stated and tried to unzip Harry's one-piece "and why u even wering dis ting?" but Harry was fast to stop him from going any further, by taking a hold of Louis arm.

"I-I said no Lou" Harry tried to control his voice, but quite honestly he was afraid. He knew he could't trust anyone anymore. He tried to get out of bed, but Louis had different plans. "Babee it'll feel soooo –" Louis stopped speaking and posisioned himself on top of Harry, one knee on each side of him, pressing their lips together hard. "Good" he finished his sentence and took a grip on Harry's arms and held them above his head in a tight grip, sucking on his collarbone.

He hadn't heard how Harry winced underneath the pressure of his body, how he was pressing on every bruise, cut, open soar that the one-piece covered. How he now openly cried, loud sobs making his whole body tremble. How he tried to free himself from Louis strong grip, not having a chance against his much stronger lover.


	4. Chapter 4

He was not going to let this happen again. Harry was furious; he felt the anger building up inside him as Louis continued kissing him. No one would ever hurt him like this again, and he knew Lou would never do something like this to him. They must have slipped him something in his drink, because this was not drunk-Louis. This was a different Louis he didn't recognize.

"I said NO!" Harry screamed and finally seemed to get Louis attention, now letting go of his grip on him. Harry jumped out of bed, leavin a puzzled looking Louis alone on the bed obviosly not knowing what he did wrong.

"But I though we cud just-" Louis started to say. "You though we could just fuck! That's all we ever do Lou!" Harry raised his voice, crossing his arms in a attempt to protect himself. "You though maybe we could just talk? I've had a SHIT night and you come here and push yourself on me, even when I-I told you not too.." his voice trailed off.

Louis stayed quiet for a while looking at Harry with that look that made his knees go weak, and raised himself from the sheets coming closer to Harry.

"Babe, are u cryin?" Lou had a concerned voice. He put his arms around the younger and warped their fingers together. Harry didn't meet Lou's stare, looking at the floor again swifting his feet nervously. Louis took Harry's chin gently and lifted his head so their eyes finally met. "Please Harry, don't cry, I don't understand why u cryin.." Louis found himself being able to think clearly for the first time this night, because seeing his lover crying made his heart break. Even more considering it was his fault.

Harry didn't answer, but let Louis hug him tight.

"You know I wud neva hurt u babe" Lous whispered into Harry's neck, his voice heavy with guilt. "I'm sorry, so so sorry Haz" they held onto eachother for a long time, Lou trying to make his baby calm down.

Harry knew it wasn't Lou's fault he was acting like this. He had just overreacted, that's all. Usually they were far rougher with eachother. But he couldn't handle that now, and honestly he didn't know if he would ever handle another person touching him again. Making love to Lou again…

"It's okay Louis; I'm just not myself tonight." Louis had already known something was different with his lover the moment he stepped into the hotel.

"Would you please tell me what's wrong then?" Louis had enough, he just wanted the truth. Taking a curl from his lover's face aside, he could now unmistakably see how hurt his Harry was. His eyes red and puffy, nose running… "Harry are those bruises on you're neck?" Did Louis really do this to him?

Harry felt exposed; he could tell Lou was disgusted by him. Did he see through him, see how dirty he was? What he had been made to do?

"You're going to hate me… never look at me the same way again." Louis was confused to say at least, his expression made him seem anxious and troubled. "You know I would never do that" Louis said with a steady voice, making Harry feel a little better.

Harry tried to form a sentence in his head, but it didn't seem like he could say the words. "Tonight, after the concert….I-I'm just going to show you. Please don't freak out Lou" with that being said Harry let go of Lou's hug and slowly but surely unzipped his one-piece, revealing every bit of himself that made him feel shameful.


	5. Chapter 5

The sunshine hit him in the face, and he was furious at himself for forgetting to close the curtains again. Louis had barely gotten any sleep that night. His head was pounding so hard he didn't know what to do with himself, and he was deseperate to find something to drink so his mouth would stop feeling like sandpaper. He couldn't remember hangover's being so bad.

Harry rolled onto his back and took a quick glance to his left side to find his boyfriend tilting his head back, clearly in pain. He wasn't feeling any better himself.

"Morning Lou" his morning voice making him sounds hoarse.

Louis opened his eyes and looked at his lover with a concerned glance, the thought of last night making him feel sick. Oh, how we wish he could forget, or atleast hope it was just a bad dream. He wasn't able to get the picture of Harry's damaged body off his mind, how he had felt so helpless… The room reminded him of his reactions, how he had become so angry that he got the urge to destroy everything in front of him. So what if he had freaked out. He had been screaming, not at Harry, but at whoever bastard that hurt him. The worse part being that Harry wouldn't tell him who it was. Lou had begged him, but Harry had been reluctant. He had cried, cursing the person who could do such a horrifying act to someone so innocent, so beautiful like his Harry. They had cried for a long time, finally falling asleep in eachother arms not knowing what to do next.

"Harry-"Louis leaned in to kiss him, but was careful not to dwell on the kiss for too long or touch him too hard. He had to be careful. Louis reads Harry's face trying to figure out if he can handle it or if it's too much for him - he looks so fragile. He feels like such a fool for coming onto him last night, not knowing anything yet. He could just hope Harry would forgive him for being such an idiot.

"Were going to the police station to report this, and we should get you checked at the doctor's… I can't stand too see you in so much pain" Louis was just being Louis, always concerned and wanting to help… but Harry wasn't eager to let anyone else know.

"I told you already; I'm not going anywhere" Harry sighed, not eager to talk this early in the morning.

"You're going Harry, I just want what's best for you" Louis didn't mean too sound so harsh. "And that sick bastard should be locked up as soon as fucking possible".

Harry didn't' protest anymore. He moved closer to Louis naked chest and just lay there listening to the soothing sound of his heartbeats, almost clinging himself to him. With Louis, Harry could be himself. God, what that boy did too him, he had no idea. He had never felt this way before.

"I love you Lou"

"You know I love you too Haz… and Im sorry I wasn't there for you" Louis kissed the tip of his nose "but we will get through this, together."


End file.
